Increasing Identity Capital

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In a previous blog I expressed my adoration for my new job. I talked about what I loved about my job and its possibilities for my future career. What I realized while I was writing that particular post was that my new job wasn’t just something I knew for the moment but rather it was the only thing I did. School has been out for the summer and while my roommates and I have been planning our adventures, I have been hiding that fact that I had felt lost. I asked myself the probing questions: Who am I? What makes me who I am? Deep stuff, huh?

I had had about enough of this depressive state of mind so I sat down and listed my hobbies, my favorite activities, etc. I then circled all the hobbies and activities that I had set aside for far to long. I made it my summer goal to pick up those hobbies and/or activities again. So while I was painting, singing, writing again I noticed that my roommates were going on an increasing amount of dates. With the invasion of Tinder in my home, there has been more boy/man talk in our house than ever before. I would like to use the excuse that I have avoided Tinder, but no, I have an android thus no Tinder for me.

With the lack of Tinder in my life, I have resorted to other means of meeting people: parties, friends-of-friends, work, the library, etc. Yet a majority of the men I meet, sad to say, were not worth my time. It would seem that my outgoing personality draws many types of men, but has yet to draw the type that I would find worth my limited time.

So after many lady talks with my roommates, some involving tears, my lovely roommate Nicole suggested that I blog about increasing my identity capital. Meg Jay, a psychologist, gave a TED talk in 2013 about 20-somethings aptly titled Why 30 is not the new 20. Right off the bat I fell in love. I was hanging every word because it was all-true.

She said, “… Whatever you want to change about yourself, this is the time.” More times than I would like to count I have hit rock bottom. With nothing left to lose I recreated myself, I became who I wanted/needed to be. I have had the opportunity to cram many life-maturing events in a very short amount of time. And yet I consider myself lucky because for being young I know myself better than most people do when they are my age.

Meg Jay said there are 3 things a 20-something must do to increase their identity capital:

         1. Explore work.

         Not many people know about my work history but I have had an interesting one for someone my age. I managed salons with my mother, I was a bridal consultant/ wedding planner, a personal stylist, a restaurant hostess and last but not least a Coordinator for the Burn Trauma ICU. A majority of those jobs were something to pay the bills while in college. I currently have my dream job that will take me to my dream career, a psychologist. I had to do all those jobs and eventually get fed with getting nowhere to realize that I deserved better. And that is just what I got. Meg Jay suggested that 20-somethings reach out through their “Weak Ties”, which are friends of friends, for potential opportunities. Your dream job maybe out there, but it just may not have posted yet.

         2. Discountinuing exploration that doesn’t count!

         I loved this one because I can relate. Many times I have dated the guy that I know was not worth it because I felt that I needed a placeholder. When I got attached and things ended, I would have to come to a realization that I had wasted my time. Women are not the only culprits; men are just as bad. Meg Jay suggested that 20-somethings discontinue exploration that does not count. If it is not an investment to who you are it doesn’t count. Dating is not the only aspect this feeds into. Work, friends, hobbies. Do not waste your time!

         3. You choose your family

         This portion of the talk definitely hit close to home for me. I have made a continuous promise to future kids, my future husband and myself that I will be intentional with my love. I may not be able to pick the family I grew up with however I can pick the family I will live with. Let me clarify my home life was not terrible; in fact it was rather wonderful most of the time. There are however aspects that I wish I could have changed had it been in my power. I do have the power to consciously choose whom and what I want for my future.

So when I add up my identity capital, it is not boastful for me to say that I am rich with diversity and opportunity. I have spent much time cultivating my awesome personality and creating the woman that I am and the coolest part is I’m not even close to being done. This is my defining decade. I have created urgency within myself because I have never felt my age. An urgency to change/better/discover myself. I am consistently told “…you are young, you have all the time in the world…” Words that have meant nothing to me.

 I have consciously chosen to be who I am and yet I do realize that I am 20-something just trying to figure it out.

Promise

If you have met me or ever have the pleasure (I’m so humble) you may notice a small tattoo on my right hand pinky finger. It was two years ago around this time that I decided to subject my rather skinny finger to the master tattoo hand of Jake Miller at Cathedral Tattoo.

Around the time I had the tattoo done; it was very popular on Pinterest to see a tattoo like mine. Few people asked me if I had it done because it looked “cute” or “it was popular”; and if you ever do have the pleasure of getting to know me you would know I do not do anything because it’s “cute” or “popular”. The tattoo that ordains my pinky finger has a great sentimental purpose.

October 2009, my mother was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. Cancer is such a bullet word and it typically causes people to jump to the worst. Because of my very close relationship with my mother it was as if a train has stuck me down right then and there. The following months consisted of heartbreak, doctor’s appointments, and sleepless nights. November 2009 my mother was admitted to Huntsman Cancer Institute. We have had a long standing tradition between the two us; a very special pinky promise. Her second night I joined her in her room; standing beside her bed, she made me pinky promise that I would keep my sanity and she promised me that she would survive. We have been blessed that she has been in remission for almost 4 years. My ink is a reminder of the relationship my mother and I clung to in a time of great turmoil and the love we share.

There are hidden aspects of my tattoo that mean even more. The “P” is in my mother’s hand writing. The “S” is the backward Partridge Family bird. The television show The Partridge Family was one of my grandmother’s favorites.

Another reason I got my ink (Not nearly as traumatic) I have never broken a pinky promise! BELIEVE IT!! In many ways a pinky promise for me is my word. I will not give it if I know I cannot commit to what is being asked of me.

It is more than just ink on my finger, it’s so much more.