National AIDS Awareness Day!

Today is National AIDS Awareness Day, but to many of us its a Monday. It's true we are the selfish generation. Unless we know someone who has AIDS or are personally affected we tend to remain oblivious to the prevalence of HIV/AIDS. However HIV/AIDS greatly affects our generation, our communities, and world.  There are more people diagnosed and living with AIDS now than any other time. 

If you are unaware here are some global statistics for you:

• According to the World Health Organization (WHO),  there were approximately 35 million people worldwide living with HIV/AIDS in 2013. Of these, 3.2 million were children (<15 years old)

• According to WHO,  an estimated 2.1 million individuals worldwide became newly infected with HIV in 2013.  This includes over 240,000 children (<15 years). Most of these children live in sub-Saharan Africa and were infected by their HIV-positive mothers during pregnancy, childbirth or breastfeeding.

• A UNAIDS report  shows that 19 million of the 35 million people living with HIV today do not know that they have the virus.

• The vast majority of people living with HIV are in low- and middle-income countries. According to WHO,  sub-Saharan Africa is the most affected region, with 24.7 million people living with HIV in 2013. Seventy-one percent of all people who are living with HIV in the world live in this region.

• HIV is the world’s leading infectious killer. According to WHO,  an estimated 39 million people have died since the first cases were reported in 1981 and 1.5 million people died of AIDS-related causes in 2013.

Even today, despite advances in our scientific understanding of HIV and its prevention and treatment as well as years of significant effort by the global health community and leading government and civil society organizations, most people living with HIV or at risk for HIV do not have access to prevention, care, and treatment, and there is still no cure. However, effective treatment with anti-retroviral drugs can control the virus so that people with HIV can enjoy healthy lives and reduce the risk of transmitting the virus to others.

Here are some statistics from your own back yard: 

• More than 1.2 million people in the United States are living with HIV infection, and almost 1 in 7 (14%) are unaware of their infection.

• Gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men (MSMa), particularly young black/African American MSM, are most seriously affected by HIV.

• By race, blacks/African Americans face the most severe burden of HIV.

Now today could be just a regular Monday for you or you could choose to spread awareness for a virus that is great affecting our world. Nat.org.uk is selling and auctioning original ribbons designed by Shaun Leane and Lulu Guinness. I chose to show my support by wearing a watch, buts it's not just a watch. 

1: Face watch company is a fashionable watch company with an amazing cause. Each watch they sell goes towards a specific cause.  I am the proud owner of the watch that supports the movement against the AIDS epidemic. I believe that one person can make a difference. If you have hard time imagining what a watch can do to make such a impact, think of it like this. 7 out of 10 children go without AIDS treatment. Children who will have to endure such a devastating virus for the their lives. My simple red watch provides 4 of those 10 children with the AIDS treatment that they desperately need. 

1 watch = Aids treatment for 4 children

http://www.1face.com/

Now, I realize that my contribution is small but I am proud to say that I am aware. I may not have AIDS but it still affects my community. It is my duty to do what I can. So my challenge to you is to make yourself aware. Support the movement again the HIV/AIDS.  

References 

1.HIVaware.org.uk - Facts & Myths - HIV statistics. (n.d.). Retrieved December 1, 2014, from http://www.hivaware.org.uk/facts-myths/hiv-statistics.php

2. U.S. Statistics. (2012, June 6). Retrieved December 1, 2014, from http://aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/hiv-aids-101/statistics/#foota

3.HIVaware.org.uk - Facts & Myths - HIV statistics. (n.d.). Retrieved December 1, 2014, from http://www.hivaware.org.uk/facts-myths/hiv-statistics.php

Thank You

During Thanksgiving, I like take the time to sit a blog about what it is I am grateful for. I am grateful for my health, my job, my education. I have a lot to be grateful for. As the anniversary my father's passing comes closer I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

When I threw my self into fitness my whole purpose was to "get skinny" and also to numb the feeling the losing my father. Since I started people have come out of the woodwork to support and encourage me. The people that I have met this past year have given me so much love that help heal many wounds that I had not yet dealt with. I have been blessed with friends I consider family. I have been blessed to strengthen family bonds and feel the support of family. 

Yes, I do have so much to be grateful for. The attitude of gratitude should be shared all year round, not just one day. I admit I never say it enough but I am thankful for you. Thank you for going on this crazy adventure with me called life.

I Love You.  

A Better Outlook

I woke up to a feeling that my of gray. Not hopeless by any means but numb. My motivation gone. A dull pain in my head, chest, and stomach. Inexplicably tired but yet I had had 9+ hours of sleep. I got ready for work  putting in the minimal effort. As I drove, no music played, I called no one. I just sat with my own thoughts. Why was I sad? Why was I stressed? Had I forgotten to take my medication? Do I need to go to the gym? WTF!
I was depressed. Why? It just happens.

I recently started preparing my application for my Grad program. AHHH!!! I have to write an essay for my I should be accepted into the program and what are my intentions with my degree. Well let me try to put it into words.

When I was first diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder,  I lost my freaking mind! I was so angry. I was the over-achiever. All star volleyball player, solid student, I had my shit together! All of the sudden I felt I had no control! Over myself, my emotions, my life. I started seeing a therapist, Jackie. In my first session, I spout the story that I had become quite used to telling. I laid out the many avenues of trouble that would need to be traveled to help me find some control and clarity. Jackie said to me " I can't fix you, that is not my job. You need a coach and I will be that coach."

4 years I spent on her couch crying, screaming, laughing, contemplating. I didn't realize that I had been living in the middle of the storm with an option to leave at any moment. I had no idea how to help myself.

There is no quick fix for depression, sometimes it just happens. As I have grown and matured with my trials and tribulations I have learned to manage it and accept it.

Recently I have been posting a ton on my Facebook and Instagram about my gym life and what it has given me. I am very proud of my hard work yet I am most proud of what I have overcome. Yes, working out and competing gave me clarity and happiness but it gave me the opportunity to forgive.

My father passed away in December of 2013 and to be blunt we had a horrible relationship. A relationship affected many other aspect in my life. I was so angry with him for 18 years that forgiveness was hardly an option. When he passed away, I threw myself into workout because it was the best distraction. I refused to fall apart and be depressed about his death, little did I know that I was. As I shed more and more weight I began to shed emotional weight. I began to accept that my father had hurt me and rather than revel in the pain I began to let it go. It was a day by day process. Jackie coached me through my mourning. She also refused to see me fall apart.

Before I took the stage at my first competition, a new friend who I told my story to said to me : " I know your father would be so proud of you." It took everything in me not to breakdown and mess up my make up. I my Who I'd Like to Thank portion of my competition I listed my father because I could recognize that my being there was my tribute to him. I could forgive.

Now I realize that this post is all over the place so let me bring it home. I have not intention of fixing the world's emotional instability. That's impossible. I want to teach people how to help themselves when their world seems dark and hopeless. I want to help people learn how to work through the struggles of life. I want to help people have a better outlook on life. I have learned that you choose whether or not to get up in the morning, but the day will still go with or without you.

Competing has taught me that if you can heal the mind you and body. I have a confidence that I have never had before. I believe that I am capable of doing great things. I can say that I love myself and believe it.

As I prep my application, I feel my passions flame burning a little brighter. I choose to go through life with optimism and a determined attitude. As I continue to move forward I remember I am a 20-something just trying to figure it out.

If you are interested in following me and/or my life:

Instagram: @lexijohn7

Thank you for all the love and support!

Limitless

At what point do you decide you are going to change your life? The moment you step on the scale and realize that you are overweight? How about the moment your breathing gets a little heavy walking up stairs and/or when you have to buy large pants to accommodate your new big booty. For me, it was the moment that I was comfortable. I was uncomfortable with how comfortable my goal and dreams were. My goals and dreams had stopped scaring me, pushing me, changing me.

In a previous post, I talked about my experience with figure bodybuilding. I said I would compete again and I did just that! I recently competed at the Warrior Classic in Loveland, CO. To say it was an incredible experience doesn't even begin to describe it. There were stunning women with the most humble and sweet personalities. They empathize with the struggles that take place during prep. In a strange ways its a bond. I would also like to mention that the bodies that are often seen on the covers of fitness magazines, competitors really do look like that! It is possible!

As sit on bed and rehash the events with my mother, I feel so thankful for the support that I have received. I have the most amazing coach, Taylor Rhea. She has more than helped me transform my body, she helped me save myself.  At the beginning of my fitness journey, I measured my success by aesthetics (weightless, muscle build, etc.). I have lost a total of 55 lbs. since January and currently sit at 16% body fat. Not to diminish the significance of my physical success, my emotional success is what I am truly proud about. Life is hard, no surprise. It emotionally wears on you regardless of circumstance and clarity to discern is hard to come by. For my life training = clarity. 

I am really happy! I am happy about everything in my life! The only limits that's I have are the ones I place on myself. 8 weeks till my next show! I will be competing in the ProCore Championships in Utah. I have new goals and mindset for this comp prep. As I challenge myself again I remember I am a 20-something just trying to figure it out.

LET'S DO THIS!!

If you are interested in following me and/or my life:
Instagram: Lexijohn7

Thank you for all the love and support!

I can't believe I did that!

Let me paint you a word picture. 

I climb my six stairs  to my apartment in animal mode (all four) because at any moment my legs are going to give out on me. Its not even leg day. I am exhausted, hangry, cranky, but determined. I am currently training for my second figure competition. Why? Why the hell not!

I have been meaning for a while to update my blog and I apologize that I have just not made the time.

I remember the first time I talked to my coach, Taylor Rhea. She said there would be days where my 100% was not the same as before. I would want to quit, cry, complain. That every moment would suck until that moment that I step on stage my hard work would suddenly be all worth the pain.

I began thinking back in October 2013 that I should do a bodybuilding competition. I had several friends and family that competed and trained. Yes, they looked amazing but overall you could tell they had unlocked some sort of secret to happiness. I remember thinking "All I want is abs and a fantastic ass." Besides my window shopping and envy, I did not have a general plan of action. I figured I had about 60 lbs. to lose before I would even look remotely attractive like the female competitors.

Early December I signed my mother and I up for a 6-week challenge through my gym. The challenge was to lose 20 lbs. or 7% body fat in 6 weeks. The pressure being that you were betting $500 against yourself. I barely had $500 to spend let alone lose. This was my chance to step up my game. The challenge started January 1st. So I indulged like it was my last meal while going to the gym.

And then my dad passed away.

I could hear the brakes of my life screeching to a halt. You see my father and I had a difficult relationship. We had not had communication for a year and a half prior. When my tears stopped and my eyes so puffed I could barely see,  anger set in. I was moving to my apartment at the same time. I threw myself into it for distraction. I didn't want to sit, think, speak about it. Can you blame me though?

He passed away on the 30th. My new weight loss challenge started on the 1st.  Many people told me there was nothing wrong with walking away from the challenge. Do they not know me? I have never quit anything. I committed $500, I was determined to see this through. This was my time when I was supposed to be mourning. A free pass to binge, cry and watch every Nicholas Sparks movie Yet I was working my ass off twice a day, going to school, eating a ridiculously strict diet, and mourning.

I lost 11% bodyfat. My clothing was loose, my face thinner, my instagram posts showing more skin. The change in my body was great but I needed/wanted more. And that is when I found Taylor. She was honest from the start. Appreciating my gung-ho attitude to do a figure competition. When she asked my why I wanted to compete, I knew she wanted the naked soul truth. I told her of my father passing away. My personal struggles with the loss of love. My insecurities with my physical appearance. I told her that I needed this. Working out had become my therapy, my church, and my place to forget for a moment. I needed her to save me.

For 15 weeks I worked my boobs off. Yes, I say boobs because sadly they were the first to go when my training became more intense. The last 8 weeks is when I saw the most change. Physically, I looked better that I had ever in my life. Emotionally, I held myself with more confidence. I was less angry. When I thought of my Father, it was with love. I was proud to be me. My father used to compete and train. Bodybuilding was one thing we had in common. I didn't want to admit it but a small part of me was doing this for him.

When it was finally show time; my nails were done and my tan perfectly golden. I realized this was it. I walked down the stairs where all the competitors gathered in a large basement. Women changing, men posing, and all of them checking each other out. Sizing up their competition. What had I gotten myself into?!

I rush to find a "private" corner to change into my barely there sparkly bikini. I was so nervous that another girl had to help me tie it.
"NOVICE GROUP C"
SHIT!! They call my group and I am about to lose it! My wonderful tanning lady helped my glue my suit to my ass. Yes, my suit was glued to my ass. Just one of the many humors. I was so nervous about making it up there, that when I did my nerves were gone. I stepped on that stage, took my first pose and felt what Taylor had been telling me. That moment. That wonderful, uncomfortable, fantastic moment. That is what I had worked my boobs off for.

I did not place, but I did not expect to. My prize was meeting so many wonderful people, feeling beautiful in my own skin and making it up there.

So now I prepare for my second competition. I feel blessed to have the support that I do. Many people believe in me. I believe in myself. Since January I have lost 48 lbs. I found my happiness and clarity and I do not plan on giving it up anytime soon.

I'd rather look back and say "I can't believe I did that" instead of saying "I wish I did that".

As I revel in my clarity and happiness I remember I am a 20-something just figuring it out.