My Dramatic Interpretation

My dramatic interpretation of how “He’s just not that into you” ruined my life

         I would describe myself as an independent, optimistic, and assertive woman, and I am confident in who I am as a person. Living in Utah and being who I am, it can be quite difficult when it comes to dating.  My confidence doesn’t necessarily go down the toilet, but I question just about everything else because of one damn book.

         After a series of events when I was still in high school, I was gifted the book “He’s Just Not That In To You”. The author is a guy whose intention was to give women insight into the way guys think about women or specifically women and relationships. I am a woman who already over thinks things, so why would I not want to know the reasons he is just not that into me! So, after reading the book and having my mind sufficiently blown, I wanted to apply the insightful words to my life.

The First Date

      I have had the opportunity to date a number of great and a few not-so-great guys.  On these dates the conversation would flow, we would laugh, and it would seem like we were both having a great time.  I think I am a pretty fun date because no matter how awkward a date can start out being, I am usually able to have a good time.  I discovered that if I wasn’t attracted or I could see us just being friends I didn’t really care if they called. And, no surprise here, if I was interested and they didn’t call I was disappointed.

The author of the book, Greg Behrendt, said something about the “3-day rule”. It’s like a no more, no less calling time frame. But, for a majority of the girls that I know three days to call is like three months if we are interested! Greg’s whole point was that if he didn’t call in the 3-day time frame He’s just not that into you! Most girls will be a disappointed but because they have not invested that much they will write the guy off at a certain point and simply move on.

I called or texted first!

         This rule straight pissed me off! I have never asked a guy out on a first date but being the assertive woman I am I have “guided” the conversation to lead that way. OH! Don’t judge girls; we all do it. However, when it comes to calling or texting first, I have done that. The author says it is emasculating to a man for a woman to text or call him first. To that I say grow a pair this is not the 1920’s! That being said, I admit that I have sent “those first texts” and wished so badly that I could reach into my phone and delete my mistake or rewind time. Greg says that texting first is a bad idea because I do not deserve to feel that way. Alright, alright, he does have a good point. I don’t deserve to feel bad for reaching out because I am interested.

         But, I have also sent those first texts and not felt guilt. But, I did check my phone every five minutes praying for a response and was left high and dry. In my mind all I can hear is He’s just not that into you!  The optimist side of me wants to believe that he was just so excited to receive my text that he fainted and could not respond.

I’m invested now

         A couple years ago I kinda dated this guy. To be honest my friends hated him.  In retrospect, I realize it was his brokenness that made me want to be there for him. We hung out almost every night. He spilled about his life but was never curious about mine. I knew he dated other girls, but he knew he was the only one I was seeing. I was invested. I stupidly began to really like him. We have all had this guy or girl in our lives! Everything he did said He’s just not that into you! But being the stubborn girl I can be I didn’t want to listen. Finally Greg’s words began to resound so loudly I had to listen. And, I needed to care enough about myself and kick this selfish, broken boy to the curb.

In Utah there is a mentality of “what if there is something (someone) better” which makes the world of dating that much more difficult.  I truly believe that we must take our time and choose very carefully when deciding to make something serious. But, if there is a constant concern that anything you do or say will make him He’s just not that into you!, or every day you go on and he doesn’t call within the 3-day time frame He’s just not that into you! it becomes very difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. However, there is an upside to all this. One day you will be someone’s exception to the rule. When? Where? Who? Honestly, if I knew I would be doing something about it! In the meantime, I will be more honest and kinder to the guys.  I will be patient (which is something I suck at) and be a 20-something just trying to figure it out.

The Keep Warm Project

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The Idea

About a week ago I was on my way to the Salt Lake train station. At a stop light right before my turn I saw a homeless man (as can be expected in downtown SLC) holding his sign with no gloves, hat or scarf. I knew it was freezing outside because I had made sure to bundle up. To top it off it was also snowing just a little. I noticed that he winced in pain from the snow because he lacked the proper pieces. To be honest, my heart broke for him. When I arrived at my destination after an interesting train ride (they always are) I told my mother of an idea that I was contemplating. I told her that I wanted to take $30-40 dollars to the dollar store and buy gloves, hats, and scarfs. Take about $10 and randomly place a dollar in a pair of gloves. After, I would go downtown to Pioneer Park (Hobo park) and hand out one item per person.

Why

I am the type of person that I will always do what I can to help when I can. This project is not a feat by any means but I do know that I could help. Hypothermia and frostbite kill about 700 homeless people per year. This wasn’t too shocking to me because winters in Utah are always terrible; right now it is a blizzard outside as I am writing this.  Why would I put a dollar in the gloves? My aunt noted that they would just go buy cigarettes and booze. A dollar because a pack of cigarettes and a bottle or liquor are too expensive, also it is not my concern what they purchase with the dollar that I give; I just want to help keep them warm.  

When

This last week I have been so sick. I was hoping to accomplish my project last Sunday. So my goal is to go January 26^th. Nothing is set in stone yet but it will be soon. I have attached the Facebook event I have created. Everyone is welcome to join (The more, the merrier!). If you can’t join me, I will be sad, but in the FB event I posted you are welcome to email me if you would like to donate.

I just want to help :)

https://www.facebook.com/events/454780387918156/?context=create

Dating Friends

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A couple of years ago I had a short-lived "thing" with a really cute guy. We weren’t really friends when we had our “thing” so a concern about ruining a friendship wasn’t there. But as they do, feelings became involved. I, at the time, was not interested in anything else but something fun. Hindsight I would have done things much differently because I think I may have hurt his feelings and he really was such a great guy. Ultimately it ended and the awkwardness set in. Here lies the problem; we had a lot of mutual friends and because I was careless it was difficult to have any sort of friendship evolve with him. From that point on I made a promise that I would never date my friends. For those who know my group of friends, you also know that I know REALLY attractive guys (not to brag). To say that I haven’t been attracted to them at one point or another would be a huge lie but out of respect for my own comfort zone I choose not to act on it (besides the girls I hang out with are stunning too). I do have a handful of guy friends of whom I have a great respect for. They are men and not boys, which every woman can appreciate. They are thoughtful, loving, respectful, and much more. And then my mind goes but… I just don’t know. I never thought I would write about this topic but some conversations I have had recently made me question my own logic.

My birthday was a couple of days ago and the highlight of the earlier part of that day was getting to have lunch with a long time friend. During our lunch he asked me what my thoughts were on dating friends. I told him about my previous mistake and how I had made a promise to myself. As we continued to talk about the topic he helped me notice flaws in my logic. A prime example of a success story is the love between my roommate and her now boyfriend. They have known each other for several years and have always been best friends. It was after a random NCMO (non-committal make out) that she realized that she did in fact have feelings for him. As it turned out he had been in love with her for quite sometime and had been fighting it to save their friendship. I remember her telling me that she knew him like a friend but the lovey dovey side was all new to her and  she was excited to see how things were going to turn out.  They have been inseparable since and there will probably be a wedding in August sometime.

After a surprise birthday party from my friends (which I loved!) I sat and talked about this topic with two of my best friends, Sarah and Emily. Emily came right out with it; she thought that my rule was dumb. She figured that because the groundwork was already laid that I would already be past the “hard part” of getting to know each other. She ended it with if you don’t date your friends who else are you going to date? I knew she had good points, especially the last one. I live in Utah and I am Mormon and I am still running out of options. Let me emphasize this though I am by no means in a hurry to jump into anything but I think I need to try and be open to new possibilities. Hence forth; let it be added to my list of New Year’s resolutions, I will be open to new possibilities. Besides if it doesn’t work out I can always go back to online dating.

I am 20-something just trying to figure it out.

My 2013 "To-Do's"

Last night my friends I gathered for dinner to celebrate a birthday of a good friend and to welcome in the New Year. A small group of us had to sit at a different table because more people than expected showed up (eh, the more the merrier). Being a curious one I asked the gang to list three of their New Year’s resolutions. One of my friends said he wanted to get married and start a family (Ladies: He is single and quite the hottie). Another said she wanted to fall madly in love (my favorite one).

My favorite part of the New Year is the opportunity to start over but also to create a list of the things I want to accomplish in 365 days. Typically I start off my list with a goal go to the gym everyday (STUPID) or something that I know I would end up not having the motivation or the time to accomplish. This year is different because I am starting it as a different person. I believe New Year’s resolutions should be a combination of things you know you will easily be able to achieve but also things you have a great desire to achieve but will be difficult (challenge yourself). New Year’s resolutions are a part of who you are, so I believe that you must be true to yourself in creating it.

My roommate believes that New Year’s resolutions are personal and private and I don’t disagree at all but I wanted to share some of my resolutions to make a point.

1.            Buy a new car (I really need one)

2.            Donate bone marrow

3.            Sing in a public place on purpose

4.            Let myself fall in love with someone worth my time

5.            Save money

6.            Go to crossfit with Sarah (try not to kill her after)

       I make all my resolutions based off one idea; what would you attempt if you knew you could not fail? I wish my friends the very best of this New Year. I hope they find love and new adventures. I am also thankful that the Mayan were a bunch of liars and I get to spend another a year being 20-something just trying to figure it out