My Dramatic Interpretation

My dramatic interpretation of how “He’s just not that into you” ruined my life

         I would describe myself as an independent, optimistic, and assertive woman, and I am confident in who I am as a person. Living in Utah and being who I am, it can be quite difficult when it comes to dating.  My confidence doesn’t necessarily go down the toilet, but I question just about everything else because of one damn book.

         After a series of events when I was still in high school, I was gifted the book “He’s Just Not That In To You”. The author is a guy whose intention was to give women insight into the way guys think about women or specifically women and relationships. I am a woman who already over thinks things, so why would I not want to know the reasons he is just not that into me! So, after reading the book and having my mind sufficiently blown, I wanted to apply the insightful words to my life.

The First Date

      I have had the opportunity to date a number of great and a few not-so-great guys.  On these dates the conversation would flow, we would laugh, and it would seem like we were both having a great time.  I think I am a pretty fun date because no matter how awkward a date can start out being, I am usually able to have a good time.  I discovered that if I wasn’t attracted or I could see us just being friends I didn’t really care if they called. And, no surprise here, if I was interested and they didn’t call I was disappointed.

The author of the book, Greg Behrendt, said something about the “3-day rule”. It’s like a no more, no less calling time frame. But, for a majority of the girls that I know three days to call is like three months if we are interested! Greg’s whole point was that if he didn’t call in the 3-day time frame He’s just not that into you! Most girls will be a disappointed but because they have not invested that much they will write the guy off at a certain point and simply move on.

I called or texted first!

         This rule straight pissed me off! I have never asked a guy out on a first date but being the assertive woman I am I have “guided” the conversation to lead that way. OH! Don’t judge girls; we all do it. However, when it comes to calling or texting first, I have done that. The author says it is emasculating to a man for a woman to text or call him first. To that I say grow a pair this is not the 1920’s! That being said, I admit that I have sent “those first texts” and wished so badly that I could reach into my phone and delete my mistake or rewind time. Greg says that texting first is a bad idea because I do not deserve to feel that way. Alright, alright, he does have a good point. I don’t deserve to feel bad for reaching out because I am interested.

         But, I have also sent those first texts and not felt guilt. But, I did check my phone every five minutes praying for a response and was left high and dry. In my mind all I can hear is He’s just not that into you!  The optimist side of me wants to believe that he was just so excited to receive my text that he fainted and could not respond.

I’m invested now

         A couple years ago I kinda dated this guy. To be honest my friends hated him.  In retrospect, I realize it was his brokenness that made me want to be there for him. We hung out almost every night. He spilled about his life but was never curious about mine. I knew he dated other girls, but he knew he was the only one I was seeing. I was invested. I stupidly began to really like him. We have all had this guy or girl in our lives! Everything he did said He’s just not that into you! But being the stubborn girl I can be I didn’t want to listen. Finally Greg’s words began to resound so loudly I had to listen. And, I needed to care enough about myself and kick this selfish, broken boy to the curb.

In Utah there is a mentality of “what if there is something (someone) better” which makes the world of dating that much more difficult.  I truly believe that we must take our time and choose very carefully when deciding to make something serious. But, if there is a constant concern that anything you do or say will make him He’s just not that into you!, or every day you go on and he doesn’t call within the 3-day time frame He’s just not that into you! it becomes very difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. However, there is an upside to all this. One day you will be someone’s exception to the rule. When? Where? Who? Honestly, if I knew I would be doing something about it! In the meantime, I will be more honest and kinder to the guys.  I will be patient (which is something I suck at) and be a 20-something just trying to figure it out.